An Open Letter

To Men Breathing Heavily at Urinals, QUIT IT! You're making the rest of us really uncomfortable. There are lots of completely legitimate reasons to be short of breath. Maybe you just took the stairs. (Good for you!) Maybe you have asthma. (I'm sorry.) Maybe peeing is a problem for you. (I'm REALLY sorry.) Whatever the case though, have some consideration for your fellow bathroom users. We're trying to keep it casual at the wall in spite of the relatively private thing we're all doing there. Heavy breathing without apparent cause ruins that casual feel, clamming us up and bringing down the buzz of the whole pee-party. The stalls are right there. We won't think twice about heavy breathing coming from in there. It's what they're for. Take advantage of the privacy they offer, and leave the social peeing to those who are able to participate. If you're concerned about the water consumption of the flush of a real toilet for a mere wee, it's totally cool to just let it mellow. Thanks a bunch. -john.